i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
