I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
