we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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