alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
