he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Houston, we have a squirter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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