dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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