I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
