At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
