i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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