I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
