Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
