Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
