She's JV to your varsity
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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