Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Less talking, more tequila
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
