The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
