you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
