I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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