Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
