The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
