When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
