Hey man sorry I got all grabby
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
