Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
