Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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