just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
