Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
