I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
