did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
