My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
These tits shall not be calmed
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