Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
