oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
