Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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