You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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