you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
