just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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