Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.