I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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