I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.