OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
