DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
