I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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