So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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