Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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