I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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