The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
