am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
