I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
