moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize