She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
