So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
