i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
