I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
