Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.