I CAN MOONWALK!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING