i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months