why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
