How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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