That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
