she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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