Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
