goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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