I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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