so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
