Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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