I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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