Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
