make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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