she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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