after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
