my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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